~ Written by a father, Jim Lowery ~
~ In memory of his son, Eric ~
~ This article of Jim's is placed here in honor of Jim Lowery ~
The stars continue to shine and the sun still rises, even though my son has died. My
heartache is big enough to blanket the entire universe. How is it possible that the world
continues to turn? How can life go on for everyone else? What happened to the natural
order of succession in life? Why my son? Why so young? Why?
These are a few of the thoughts and questions that race around my mind all day, chasing
answers that never come, leaving me more exhausted than anything else ever could. From the
day Eric died, I have worked to recover from the "ultimate tragedy" of losing a
child. Our whole world has been shattered and I cannot put the pieces back in order.
Little if anything makes sense now. My life is a nightmare, while my dreams have become
the nicest place to stay.
It is quite easy to recognize all this as classic symptoms of depression and of course I
am depressed. I have every reason to be. Sharon and I have invested everything that is us
in Eric and now he is not here. My sense of justice, fairness, continuity, and general
feeling of wholeness evaporated when Eric died. My world has become a lonely and empty
place, without diversions or distractions to afford me a little respite from the grief.
Like most people, Sharon and I have had many losses and our share of disappointments. Our
single goal for the past twenty years has been to offer Eric all the advantages and
opportunities necessary for him to lead a good life ~ The kind sacrificing for Eric would
make up for the things we failed to do in our lives. Eric was a good child and we did our
best. His natural talents would have allowed him to do anything he wished. He
worked so hard to be who he was and now only memories are left. Why?
The word "mettle" is a favorite word I remember from my childhood. A person's
mettle was often tested when I was small, but I never really knew how much meaning that
word carried until now. It is much more than one's spirit. It is actually the essence of a
person, revealed only under tragic conditions. It is not a measure of value or judgment of
anyone; rather it is the inner self, stripped of all the mental armor built and used
during a lifetime of trials. Grief takes us to that point where we must start over,
learning how to live once again.
Never-ending sadness is tiresome and makes us weary of trying to get through one more day.
This is when we are the most vulnerable and are most prone to ask the unanswerable
"whys." In order to move on, I must learn to get around these blank spaces. The
past can not be changed, and having answers is not likely to make me feel any better. The
stars will continue to shine and the sun will most certainly rise as always, with or
without my sadness. The healing must come so the memories of my son can continue to shine
as well.
I have written "My son died far too young and I will never know why" on a piece
of paper and will symbolically send it somewhere far away. There are no easy solutions and
this will not make the questions stop. But perhaps the mere act of taking some action will
allow me a level of control over when they are asked and how I react to the questions.
My method in searching for some peace of mind is to try any and everything, keeping what
works and discarding what does not. This search is what I try to write about, with the
hope that others will find the motivation to seek the same healing path.
Eric Vaughn Lowery
12-18-75 to 6-10-95
by Jim Lowery
Jim Lowery died November 16, 1999. An active member of the Sugar Land-SW Houston chapter
of The Compassionate Friends, Jim was the founder of Cyber Friends, the The Compassionate
Friends E-mail support list. He is greatly missed by his wife, Sharon Lowery, and his many
Compassionate Friends.
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